I believe the saying is: you should always wear clean underwear, just in case you are in an accident. Yeah, that needs to be amended. I think the more appropriate version is: you should always wear ATTRACTIVE clean underwear, just in case you end up with your skirt around your ears. What, it happens. More than you think.
A few years ago, I travelled to Paris for the first time. I was super excited to be there, albeit rather tired after a 9 hour time change and not having slept on the flight. Now, my travelling companion was a rather stylish gay man, who insisted I be just as stylish when we were out and walking around. That was all well and good, but I was tired and dealing with major muscle cramps, so under the sundress he picked out for me, I was wearing the most comfortable undergarments I had. Why is it the most comfortable underwear is always the most unattractive? Not that I thought anyone would be seeing them. I mean, I was going to be walking around in Paris, doing the whole tourist thing. Who could possible end up seeing them? Turns out, everyone. There was one thing I hadn't accounted for. On Paris sidewalks, there are many, many grates that have hot air blowing up through them. So there I was, walking along, looking at everything, when all of a sudden, WHOOSH! My dress was instantly up around my ears, showing off everything from the waist down. I finally managed to bat my dress down and get off the grate, and looked around, hoping no one had seen. No such luck. There were large groups of people coming down the sidewalk in both directions. What could I do? I threw my arms out, spun around and yelled "Bonjour Paris!".
A couple of years after that, I was preparing for my first Ballroom competition. Part of that preparation was making sure I had the proper attire, so I spent a good deal of time reading the dress code, and shopping for an appropriate dress. I finally settled on a red, 8-way convertible dress. I thought it was a brilliant idea, seeing as I could style it long for Standard and short for Latin. I also had to go shopping for "appropriate" undergarments. According to dress code regulations, undergarments had to be "full coverage" and "an appropriate colour for the dress". Which in my case equated to red granny panties. So, the day before the competition, all of the students involved did a showcase at the Friday night drop in class, just so we could get a sense of what it would be like to dance for a crowd. The Standard section went well; my partner and I performed our two dances without incident. I ended up with about a minute and a half in between the Standard and Latin sections, so I raced to the bathroom and restyled my dress in a shorter fashion. Had I been smart, I would have taken two seconds to do a "spin test", which would have saved me infinite embarrassment. However, I wanted to make sure I was back in time, so I skipped that step. My partner and I took the floor once again, the cha cha music came up, and we went into our routine. Which opened with a New York. Which left me facing the mirror. Just in time to see my skirt swing up high enough for everyone to get a great glimpse of my stockings and garters. Smile in place, I kept dancing, knowing full well that the next move was a spin. My skirt flew out in every direction, giving the entire audience a great view of my bright red granny panties. Things did not improve when we moved on to the Jive. Apparently the Universe didn't think I had been embarrassed enough that night, as when I was reviewing my performance with my instructor, I acknowledged that the shorter styling of the dress didn't work out so well, and he said "Yeah, you were showing, well, everything. Not that I minded." I'm not sure what was more red at that point - my face or my dress.
Life Lesson: Always, always, always wear your most attractive underwear. You never know when you are going to get caught with your pants down, or in my case, your skirt up!
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